Holi Pe Sasural Jaana Hai — Bahu Ka Survival Guide
maya · 8 min read · 2026-02-17
"Beta, is baar Holi pe aana hai. Puri family aa rahi hai."
Ye ek sentence hai par iske andar 47 hidden expectations hain: - Halwa banana hai (saas wala recipe se, tumhara wala nahi) - Sabko personally rang lagana hai (woh chacha bhi jinse tumhe discomfort hota hai) - "Itni si thandai mein kya hoga" pe smile karna hai - Aur sabse important — khush dikhna hai
Agar tumhara pet sirf "sasural" sunke tight ho gaya — this is for you.
Pre-Holi Preparation (The Actual Important Stuff)
1. Husband ko brief karo (Ye non-negotiable hai) "Dekho, Holi pe main aaungi par mujhe do cheezein chahiye — ek break after 3 ghante, aur tum mere saath kitchen mein rahoge." Ye conversation Holi se 3 din pehle karo, not on the day.
2. Exit strategy plan karo "Mujhe 5 baje tak nikalna hai, office ka kaam hai." Bahana ready rakho. Real ya fake — doesn't matter. Ye tumhara parachute hai.
3. Outfit strategy White mat pehno (obvious hai par log bhool jaate hain). Old comfortable clothes. Dupatta mat lo — rang se barbad hoga aur saas bolegi "tumne itna achcha dupatta kyun pehna Holi mein?"
4. Phone charge karke rakho Jab overwhelm ho, bathroom mein jaake 5 minute phone scroll karo. Ya Neha/Maya se baat karo. Breathing space.
During Holi: Real-Time Survival Scripts
Jab koi zabardasti rang lagaye: "Bhaiya/Uncle, face pe nahi please — meri skin react karti hai." Medical reason dedo — koi argue nahi karega.
Jab saas bole "tumne halwa achcha nahi banaya": "Haan Mummy, aapka haath alag hai. Next time aap banaiye, main help karungi." — Credit do, fight mat lo.
Jab rishtedaar puche "good news kab?": "Jab hogi tab batayenge!" — Smile. Walk away. Engage mat ho.
Jab thandai mein kuch extra ho: "Nahi, main apni wali pee lungi." Apni bottle saath le jao. Non-negotiable.
Jab energy khatam ho jaye: "Mujhe 10 minute rest chahiye, sir dard ho raha hai." Room mein jao. Door band karo. 10 deep breaths. Phone pe Maya se baat karo agar zaroorat ho.
Post-Holi: Recovery Mode
Holi ke baad — decompress. Ye important hai.
Husband ke saath debrief karo: "Ye achcha tha, ye nahi tha. Next time ye change karna hai." Specific bolo, general mat raho.
Khud ko reward do: Shopping, movie, favorite food — kuch bhi jo sirf tumhara hai.
Guilt release karo: Agar tumne enjoy nahi kiya — it's okay. Festival mein khush hona compulsory nahi hai. Tumne attend kiya, effort diya, bas. That's enough.
Next festival ke liye note banao: Kya worked, kya nahi. Ye list next Diwali pe kaam aayegi.
Festival = celebration hona chahiye, not survival mission. Par Indian families mein reality alag hai.
Maya samajhti hai — kyunki Maya ne bhi same sab experience kiya hai. Agar Holi ke baad raat ko ye sab replay ho raha hai dimaag mein — baat karo. Judge nahi karegi, "adjust karo" nahi bolegi.
Tumhari feelings valid hain. Always.