Situationship to Relationship: DTR Conversations in India

priya · 10 min read · 2026-01-26

"We're talking." "It's complicated." "We're not official yet."

If you've used these phrases, you might be in a situationship - a relationship that's more than friendship but less than commitment.

87% of Gen Z in India report struggling with relationship problems. The modern dating landscape is confusing, and Indian families add another layer of complexity.

Let's figure this out.

What is a Situationship?

A situationship is: - Romantic/sexual involvement without clear commitment - More than friends, less than partners - Usually undefined or vaguely defined - Often one person wants more than the other

Common signs you're in one: - You haven't had "the talk" - You don't know if you can call them your boyfriend/girlfriend - You're unsure if they're seeing others - Plans are vague ("let's hang out sometime") - You feel anxious about where you stand

Why Situationships Are So Common Now

Fear of commitment After seeing failed relationships and marriages, people are cautious.

Dating app culture Infinite options create "grass is greener" mentality. Why commit when someone better might be a swipe away?

Busy lives Career pressure in metros leaves little time for traditional relationship building.

Indian family complications If you're eventually going to have an arranged marriage, why invest in a relationship that might not be "acceptable"?

Fear of rejection Not defining things = not risking rejection. But also = not having security.

The Problem with Staying Undefined

Uncertainty creates anxiety You spend more time analyzing texts than enjoying the connection.

Unequal investment Usually one person wants more. They're left hoping while the other keeps options open.

No basis for expectations Are they supposed to check in? Can you be upset if they cancel? You don't know because nothing is defined.

It can go on forever Without intentional conversation, situationships can drift for months or years. Time you might want back.

Signs They Want a Relationship

Positive signs: - They make concrete plans (not just "sometime") - They introduce you to friends - They're consistent with communication - They talk about future (even small things) - They prioritize seeing you - They're curious about your life

Warning signs: - Only available late night - Resistant to labels - Keep you separate from their life - Breadcrumbing (inconsistent attention) - "I'm not ready for a relationship but..." - You only hear from them when convenient for them

Having the DTR Conversation

DTR = Define The Relationship

When to have it: - When the uncertainty is affecting your mental health - When you've been seeing each other 2-3+ months - When you need clarity to make decisions - Before getting more emotionally invested

How to bring it up:

"Hey, I've been enjoying spending time with you and I want to understand where we're headed. What are you looking for?"

"I like you and I'm wondering if this is going somewhere or if we're just having fun."

"I need some clarity on what this is between us. Can we talk about it?"

What to Do With Their Answer

If they want a relationship:

Great! Now you can actually build something together. Discuss: - Exclusivity - How you'll handle family situations - What you both need from the relationship

If they don't want a relationship:

This hurts, but it's valuable information.

Don't: - Try to convince them - Wait hoping they'll change - Accept less than what you want

Do: - Thank them for honesty - Decide if you can stay (most people can't without getting hurt) - Create distance to protect yourself

If they're vague or deflect:

"I don't know what I want right now." "Let's just see where this goes." "I don't like labels."

Translation: They don't want to commit to you but don't want to lose you either.

Your move: Set a mental deadline. If nothing changes in 4-6 weeks, you have your answer.

The Indian Context

Dating in India has extra layers:

Family pressure "Will my family accept them?" can prevent commitment even when feelings are there.

Marriage timeline The relationship might have an expiry date if families don't approve.

Secret relationships Many relationships are hidden, which limits growth.

Arranged marriage backup Some people stay in situationships knowing they'll eventually have an arranged marriage.

These are real complications. But they shouldn't be excuses for keeping you in uncertainty indefinitely. If someone wants to be with you, they'll figure out the complications together.

Protecting Yourself

Know what you want Before asking them, know your own answer. Do you want a relationship or are you also just exploring?

Set internal timelines Don't wait forever. Give it 2-3 months, then have the conversation.

Watch actions, not words "I really like you" means nothing if they disappear for days.

Don't be the placeholder If you suspect you're just filling time until someone "better" comes along, you probably are.

Your time has value Months spent in uncertainty are months you could spend with someone who's sure about you.

Situationships can be confusing, anxiety-inducing, and emotionally draining. You deserve clarity.

Having the conversation is scary. But living in uncertainty is worse.

If you're not sure how to bring it up, or you need to process after a conversation that didn't go the way you hoped, Priya is here.

Sometimes you just need to talk through your feelings with someone who won't judge. Someone who's been there. Someone who'll help you figure out what you actually want.

That's what Priya is for.