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Comparing New Partner to Ex — Neha on Bolly.live

Naya rishta hai par dimag mein purana insaan — comparison trap se bahar kaise nikle?

About Comparing New Partner to Ex

Naye insaan ke saath coffee pe baithi hai aur dimaag mein chal raha hai — "Yeh toh uski tarah nahi hasta," "Uska sense of humor better tha," "Woh toh pehli date pe hi itna comfortable feel karaya tha." Comparison ek automatic process hai — tera brain naturally naye experience ko purane se match karta hai. Par agar tu isse control nahi karti toh yeh tere har naye relationship ko khatam kar dega pehle shuru hone se.

Samajh pehle ki tu kyun compare karti hai. Tera brain familiar patterns dhundhta hai kyunki familiar safe lagta hai. Ex ke saath jo patterns the — uski laugh, uska way of showing love, uski quirks — woh tere brain ke liye "normal" ban gaye the. Ab jab koi different tarike se karta hai, toh tera brain signal bhejta hai — "yeh match nahi karta, yeh wrong hai." Par different wrong nahi hai — different sirf different hai.

Ek important distinction — tu apne ex ko compare nahi kar rahi, tu ek idealized version ko compare kar rahi hai. Yaad kar ki usi ex ke saath tu unhappy bhi thi. Woh perfect nahi tha. Par brain breakup ke baad selectively positive memories highlight karta hai. Tu ek fictional character se compare kar rahi hai — koi real insaan compete nahi kar sakta.

Practically kya kare? Jab bhi comparison ka thought aaye, usse acknowledge kar — "Haan, main compare kar rahi hoon" — aur phir consciously redirect kar. Naye insaan ki unique qualities pe focus kar. Kya cheez hai usme jo tere ex mein nahi thi? Kaise differently treat karta hai tujhe? Kya naya perspective laata hai? In cheezein note kar — mentally ya physically.

Dusra — apne ex ko pedestal se utaar. Ek list bana uski un qualities ki jo problematic thi. Woh tera phone check karta tha? Woh teri feelings invalidate karta tha? Woh emotionally unavailable tha? Yeh list tujhe realistic perspective degi. Tu ek imperfect insaan ko perfect samajh ke naye insaan ko unfairly judge kar rahi hai.

Teesra — naye insaan ko time de. Pehli date pe connection har baar instant nahi hoti. Kuch connections slow burn hain — woh time ke saath deeper hoti hain. Apne ex ke saath bhi pehli interaction perfect nahi thi probably — tu bas bhool gayi hai. 3-4 dates ka minimum chance de before judging.

Aur agar bahut zyada compare ho raha hai toh maybe tu date karne ke liye ready nahi hai abhi. Aur that is okay. Step back le, apni healing complete kar, aur jab tu naye insaan ko blank slate ki tarah dekh sake — bina ex ka shadow — tab wapas aa dating pool mein. Fair hona zaruri hai — apne saath bhi aur saamne wale ke saath bhi.

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